Aliens. Damn it, it’s always aliens. I’m not talking about the boarder crossing kind, I’ve got no problem with them. Hell, most of them are smarter than me anyway. I’m talking about space aliens. Just look at this, “Mankind has made contact with an alien ‘Galactic Federation’ but it has been kept secret because ‘humanity isn’t ready’”.
I knew there was a reason Trump didn’t follow through on all his promises like building the wall. Now I know why. I always thought Nancy Pelosi was a lizard person from under the earth, but now I know she’s a damn space alien. Why else would she look like that? Aliens should have been obvious anyway. Mitch McConnell looks like E.T.s grandfather, Adam Schiff has “space eyes” and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez looks the damn alien from the movie Alien. And no one can deny that Mitch Romney is an android. Those damn aliens are in cahoots with our damn politicians and taking away our freedom!
Deep down I always knew there were aliens, but I always thought they stayed in entertainment. How else can you explain Pauley Shore, Yoko Ono, Kayne West and Carrot Top? Who else but aliens wouldn’t understand what a tattoo is and write all over themselves with a Sharpie like Miley Cyrus and every new rapper? Only an alien would allow Adam Sandler or Snoop Dog to make a movie. And the guys that started YouTube have to be aliens playing a joke on us humans.
And aliens are in business too. Who would have a super villain name like Jeff Bezos when you already look look Dr. Evil? With a name like Elon Musk he must think he’s Tony Stark/Iron Man. Mark Zuckerberg? Android. George Soros? Jabba the Hutt.
I won’t even go into the whole Jenner/Kardashian clan. Jesus f-ing Christ, that’s frickin’ out of this world right there. I wouldn’t want to be the one “probing” that mess. Just image Trump grabbing Jenner and coming up with a handful of twig and berries! I guess that proves that aliens can be just as f-ed up as us earthlings.
I’ve been probed more than once, mostly for medical reasons, so I know it ain’t fun, at least for some of us. Not that there’s anything wrong probing for fun, I don’t judge… too much. But damn it, I want that probing to be by a goddamn human doctor, or at least a human! Ramming it right up there, just like our politicians have been doing for years! That’s the American way! And now we got some space aliens running our government. They may also do the normal probing by jamming it right up there, but they also have the technology to invade our brains and control us.
And now they’re saying, “humanity isn’t ready”. My ass! I just bought a case of tin foil and got my Winchester locked and loaded! Bring on them damn aliens! People may laugh at my shiny hat, but no damned alien is getting into my brain.